- Andrew Wittman is a mental toughness coach and former Marine, police officer, and federal agent.
- He teaches everyone from stay-at-home moms to Navy SEALs how to be mentally tough, and he regularly hears the same excuse.
- People tell him "I'm just wired that way," but he says that according to neuroscience, you can change your wiring. It won't be easy, but it will make all the difference.
- The following is an excerpt from his upcoming book, “Seven Secrets of Resilience for Parents.”
At age eighteen, I enlisted and was sent to Parris Island, SC for Marine Corps boot camp. A major part of the training process is marksmanship. As a missionary’s kid, I had never fired a weapon of any kind. The marksmanship instructor asked me if I was left-handed or right-handed.
“Sir, left-handed, sir!”
“Have you ever fired a rifle in your life, Recruit?”
“Sir, no, sir!”
“Good. You won’t have any bad habits to break. As of now, you are a right-handed shooter. It will make your life easier. The rifle and all the gear are set up for a right-handed shooter. You won’t need any modified shooting techniques or special gear.”
Read more: A Marine veteran says a morning ritual he picked up in boot camp primes him for success every day
After a week of continual practice holding the rifle and aiming in at the target, my body and brain quickly adopted the new habit of shooting right-handed. Neuroscience definitively shows the neurons that fire together, wire together. Every time you perform a skill or take an action, the brain fires off in a particular pattern. Repeating the same skill or action creates a neuropathway. Think of it this way: the first time you try something, you are a trailblazer. You are in the jungles of the Amazon with a machete, chopping vines, trees, and underbrush. The second time you travel that path, it becomes a little easier. Over time, the more you repeat the skill or action, the more trampled the path becomes. After a few months, the path becomes a dirt road. After a year, you have paved that road. After a decade, it becomes a superhighway, six lanes wide with an autobahn-esque speed limit to match.
We used to believe that once we became adults, the brain’s development was complete, and we were stuck with what we had at that time. Researchers have since discovered neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain, no matter the physical age, to change throughout our entire lifetimes. We aren’t hardwired. Stop excusing bad attitudes, habits, and behaviors by saying, “I’m just wired that way.” You are not.
We literally have the ability, regardless of age or stage of life, to rewire our brains at will. Is it comfortable? No. Comfort comes from the very opposite of rewiring. Default neuropathways are what makes us comfortable. That is why humans are known as creatures of habit. We love to be comfortable, and habits are simply us traveling on the neuro-superhighways we have built, which ensure that comfort. It takes conscious effort to blaze new trails and create new neuropathways.
Read more: A Marine veteran and mental toughness coach shares how a single sentence can change your life
We activate neuroplasticity and physical rewiring of our brains, creating new pathways every time we learn new information or learn a new skill. An easy way to experience what neuroplasticity feels like is to brush your teeth with your non-default hand. If you normally use your right hand, use your left hand. Practice writing your name with your non-default hand. If you stick with it long enough, as in creating a new neural superhighway, you will become ambidextrous. Not overnight, but it will happen. The more you fire off that set of neurons, the more those neurons bundle together.
You can teach an old dog new stuff, but it takes enduring enormous amounts of discomfort to do so. How long before you switched back to your default hand in the teeth-brushing experiment? The Average Minded person will switch back before completing the task. The Resilient Minded will find a way to power through the discomfort and frustration. As parents, it is much easier to wire healthy behaviors in our kids from the time of birth, which become their default (habits), than it is to correct unhealthy behaviors and detrimental habits when they become teenagers and young adults. That’s why it seems easier for children to learn several languages at the same time growing up. It’s not actually easier; they just don’t know any different. They haven’t established a default language superhighway that makes them have to force themselves to build another language superhighway. They build both superhighways at the same time, and they don’t realize it’s not comfortable.
From the book, SEVEN SECRETS of RESILIENCE for PARENTS. Copyright ©2018 by Andrew D. Wittman, Ph.D. Reprinted by permission of Get Warrior Tough Media
A Former Marine, Police Officer & Federal Agent, Andrew Wittman PhD served on the security detail for Hillary Clinton, King Abdullah of Jordan, Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel, Sir Elton John and many others. Dr. Wittman was also a security contractor for the State Department where he taught high-threat diplomatic security to Marines, Rangers, and Special Forces. He is the Managing Partner of the Mental Toughness Training Center, where he teaches everyone from stay-at-home moms to Navy SEALS how to better deal with stress, withstand pressure, and resolve conflict. He is also the author of the new book “Seven Secrets of Resilience for Parents” (Nov. 2018), where he applies strategies from his unique high-pressure career history to teach moms and dads how to boost their mental stamina to better deal excruciating toddler tantrums, stay calm during arguments with their teenager, and bounce back from parenting-induced burnout.
Dr. Wittman’s first book “Ground Zero Leadership: CEO of You” was published in 2016.
Join the conversation about this story »
NOW WATCH: A Marine who coaches Fortune 500 execs explains why setting goals is a complete waste of time